Bittersweet

I went home again this weekend and had a lot of fun! I finally got to see one of my best friends Alex Lanaro!! It has seriously been forever. We always seem to be in two different places and never home at the same time. But we both went home this weekend for the same reason.  A few years ago, a good friend and classmate past away in a car accident. His name was Nathan Melton! Such a sweet kid...funny...just got along with everyone. He was driving home from an Alabama football game with two other friend Nikki Bagley (Another good friend) and Nathan Wiggins (Her boyfriend at the time) when they got in a bad car accident. For some reason Nathan M. was the only one not wearing a seatbelt. :-( The other two were and thankfully they survived but Nathan M. didn't. It was def a rough time for everyone back home.

Well this Saturday, his mom and some of my friends put on a fundraiser (Alumni Basketball game) in his name.  I think next year they're going to establish a scholarship in his name. It was def a sight to see. All of his friends were there supporting him and parents came out as well.  My parents came! Prizes were given out, food was sold, they made t-shirts and some good basketball was played.

Then, Nathan's mom (Mrs. Pam) came forward and wanted to thank everyone for coming and that's when it got emotional. She talked about his death, the day before he died and the day he died. It was sooo sad. I don't think there was a dry eye in the gym. I would NOT imagine losing a child. To have to barry your child...you're only child and live without them the rest of your life. It's just heartbreaking. It just shows you how precious life is. And the sad thing is, that's not the first teenage death that has happened in our town. There has been at least 6 other deaths with kids from out school. It's crazy to think about.

You just never know what tomorrow has to bring.

It was definitely an emotional weekend, but it was good to see a lot of my classmates that I haven't seen in a while. Always have to rememeber to count your blessings...no matter how small or how few. There is always someone out there who is worse off than you. You will never be forgotten Nathan! I miss and love you!! RIP my friend. <3

Live. Laugh. Love.

- KC

Fall in love when you're READY...Not when you're LONELY

My theme song! <3

When you've been hurt and you are feeling lonely, all you want to do is find something that makes you feel better. That's gets rid of the pain. That gets rid of the hurt. That get's rid of the loneliness. Whether that is a hobby, a job, food, or a friend...who you want to be more than a friend. And fill that gap that you think needs to be filled in order for everything to be ok. But in reality, you know that wont make anything better. Wanting a quick fix, an easy way out, in the long run will probably make things work. Wanting to forget the past, to foget everything that has happened, forget the bad memories and only remember the good times...wont make the hurt go away. It wont make you a stronger person or a better person.

As hard as moving on may be, you must. Holding onto the past, living in the past, replaying it in your mind over and over again is not healthy. You wont ever be able to move in if you continue to do so. Having regrets is not a bad thing. I have a few. But moving on and learning from them is what makes you a better person and is what other admire. To be able to admit when you were wrong and not always placing the blame on someone else is the first step to in the right direction...the first step in moving on. You shouldn't want to forget what happened. Learn from it. Become a better person and don't make the same mistakes when you are in another relationship.  

Finding someone to replace your ex, to replace your old love, to replace your best friend when you're not ready will only make things harder. Deep down you know you're only doing this to fill a void, to fill that empty feeling inside. You will probably just end up hurting the other person and yourself in the long run. Everyone wants that someone they can always count on...just that special person in their life. But forcing something that may not really be there...isn't real.

What's meant to be will be.  The hurt and the pain comes with the territory. No one said it would be easy. No one said love would be easy. And no one said learning life lessons would be easy. But if you learn from those mistakes, and conscously make an effort to fix things...than it will all be worth it in the long run!

-KC

Rihanna - S&M (HIGH QUALITY ALBUM VERSION)

Love Rihanna! 

Spring Break! :-)

Well folks,

I just finished my last Spring Break as a student! An pretty much my last Spring Break ever! lol Definitely ended it with a bang. Hungout with the family and great friends and partied just enough. Oh, and wen to the beach of course.  As much as I say I don't like being from Pace/Milton, I don't mind claiming Pensacola.  The beaches are amazing and the nightlife is finally starting to pick up. This week I learned of so many new bars and a few new clubs that were actually a lot of fun.

I also learned a lot about myself and others this week. I learned a lot about how my ex felt most of the time while we were in a relationship and how I didn't realize how important the little things were to him.  How he gave me chance after to chance to change or at least put in some sort of effort and nothing ever happened. It was a lesson I had to learn the hard way, but it really is true that you don't know what you have until it's gone. And I didn't start to change until I knew he was leaving and he was eventually gone.  I don't blame him for leaving, granted, he still shouldn't have done some of the things he did, but it's almost like I forced him to make those decisions. You live and you learn right! Well I've def learned :-) And it's almost like I thank him for what he's done. I want to say I see it now, but it's still clouded from the pain I still have. But looking into the furture, I know nothing but good things can only happen!

On a brighter note...I knew I always liked soccer players for a reason! I met a nice lil Jamacan who plays at UWF :-) He's to sweet and I love his accent!

"The sweetest thing I've ever known was like the kiss on the collarbone!!" - Lauryn Hill

-KC

"Time Stood Still"

So back in February of 2009 my parents seperated. I must say I didn't see it coming and I didn't know what to think. I could tell my mom had changed, but it didn't seem like it was anything out of the ordinary. That Christmas break would be the last Christmas we would spend as a family and it def wasn't the most memorable. My mom was constantly busy...either at work, with my brother and I or outside with the animals. At the time I didn't really think anything of it, but looking back at it, it was clear she didn't want anything to do with my dad. They would have small talk between each other..bicker back and forth a little but nothing that should cause alarm.

When you think of marriage you think of forever. You don't think about not liking this person 20 years down the road after your wedding vows are said and done. You don't think about living with someone who you no longer think you know and has completely changed in front of your eyes.  When my mom finally told me they were seperating, "time literally stood still." I didn't know what to think.  You automatically wonder if you had a part in their decision...what was the final straw that broke the camels back?? I wasn't necessarily worried about what it would do to my family, as much as what it would do to my mom. She means the world to me and I never want to see her hurting. And when she told me that I hurt for her and I didn't know what else to do but write...

"Seperation"

The tables are unfortunately turned
The relationship has been broken and slowly burned
You never thought that you would have to look out for your parents
They were so in love
They had so much life
You never could imagine your father leaving your mother
They sat that its only a seperation, but is that completely true?
Will they be able to mend their companionship...will they be able to renew...their vows?
The thought of them seperated, each living by themselves
How much can each of them take; will each of them stay well?
They say no to worry; they say that it will all be ok
But you can't help but to question; you can't help but wonder what may
You know that it's not your fault, but you still wonder what you could have done to help
What could you have done to change the outcome?
You just want things to be back to normal again
The house is so empty now; there is a piece of the puzzle missing
Will the pieces ever fall back together?
Or will all this be done and over with forever?
Who's fault was it rally; who made the final decision?
There is nothing you can do except support each parent in everything they do
To love them cherish them on their good days and especially when their days are blue
Be patient and pray...
And simply have faith that one day everything will be ok...

It seems like forever when they first seperated, but it's still aparent today. Especially when they come seperate to my games, when my dads not at the house when I come home and vise-a-versa, when they have to call each other to let them know what we're doing for dinner..and how we'll spend our holidays.

-KC

Alicia Keys-Try sleeping with a broken heart [HD]

Life

"In like, we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreverisble regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgetable love."


In the past 9 months I have had all of those.  It really is true when they breaking up is hard, but moving on is even harder.  You can't help but think about the "what if's" and the "shoulda, woulda, coulda." You just want to take that one moment back, that one argument, that one thing you said out of anger that they wont ever forget.  Going from having everything to nothing in a matter of moments is almost unthinkable. To realize you no longer have  your forever. You no longer have that comfort, that security. How are you supposed to move on from that? How are you supposed to pick up the pieces of something that meant the world to you and has now been shattered?

-KC

"Dear God"

Dear God...
I know that I haven't prayed in a while
But I need you here and now
I need you to tell me it will all be ok
I need you to tell me that I'll get through this heartbreak

Dear God...
Please touch my heart in this time of need
Please give me strength because I am weak
Please be my eyes because I can no longer see
Please give me hope because all is lost

Dear God...
Guide me like you've always done
Love me like it's just begun
Hold me close to your heart near your home
Keep me safe from harms way

Dear God...
Hear my cries
Hear my pleas
Please come and take me off my knees

Dear God...
Thank you for all that you've done for me
Thank you for your faith and belief
Thank you for listening to my prayers
Thank you for letting me know that you care

-KC

"Adoption"

A love that is like no other.
A selfless act to give up your duties as a mother.
Two women who didn't know anything about the other.
The first you cannot remember and the second you call mother.
Two different lives, shaped by one tiny soul.
One gave you life and the other made you whole.
The first brought you into this world and the second taught you how to live it.
The first one gave you a need for love and the second was there to give it.
One gave you emotions and the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile and the other dried your tears.
A love that is pure, genuine and unconditional.
A love without question, everlasting and never one-dimentional.
One sought you a home that she could not provide.
The other prayed for a child and her question was not denied.
Throughout the years you have always wondered what may.
Longing to have an answer of what if would have been like if she didn't give you up and allowed you to stay.
You wonder why she didn't try and fight for you.
You ask yourself why she didn't try with all her might to do everything she could do.
Was it really that hard to keep me; was I really such a burdon?
I wish you would have thought before making a decision and took into consideration how much I would be
  hurtin.
I've always had this huge whole; a whole that I could never fill.
A void in my life that has been absent of happiness and thrill.
A sense of belonging that I may never find.
A part of my life that I sometimes want to forget and leave it all behind.
Mixed emotions at how I should really feel.
Thankful, yet sorrow and not knowing how to deal.

I could not have asked for a better mother in this entire world! She didn't care what race my brother and I were, nor did it matter what race she was. She had to go through discriminationa and being looked at as an outcast even before she brought us home. But she didn't care. We were HER children no matter what and she didn't let anyone tell her different. I thank God for the decision she made, because I don't know where my brother and I would be without her.

I love you mom! You're def one in a million.

-KC

Kem - Why Would You Stay

I love this video..well not so much the video but the song!